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2008-11-29 - 10:45 a.m. I lost your post card. I've been losing a lot of things lately. Socks (always), books, my glasses, bits and pieces of my mind. Sometimes I find things, my glasses were under a chair, hopefully I'll get my head back in the morning. Its been one of those long days I'd forgotten about. A day at the kitchen table reading through never ending pages and drinking cup on cup of coffee. -- sat on the other end, and every so often we'd comment on what we were reading or make noises of exasperation. I've been hearing a lot about the Zulu empire, -- knows my special hate for a particular whining Austrailian journalist. Late tonight I couldn't take it any more,I tore my jitter bug self away from the table and my cold coffee and hopped on my bike. I've got a flashlight taped to my helmet, and I amused myself for a good few hours tearing around my neighborhood, seeing what things I could find with my makeshift lamp. The best discovery was only a few blocks away. A group of self made gypsies playing guitars, tamborines and harmonicas under a street lamp in my proper british neighborhood.I listened for a while and then made a race for the sea. There's a big swinging chair in the park by the marina. I like to sit there and watch the boats, resting perfectly still. You'd hardly know there was water there but for the smell and the birds. Its a good spot, offering up the safety that comes from everything being in its particular place. I'm not terribly afraid of many things outside of myself, but what I encounter inside my own head terrifies me. Not that there are any particularly horrific visions lurking in there. Its the grayness around the edges, a certain moroseness that is always threatening to seep in that makes me panic. I'm young, and haven't experienced too much life yet, so I can keep it at bay by being busy, by being lively. But sometimes, alone with it, I wonder if it won't win out in the end. Whether or not it will obliterate me before nature does it anyways. |
