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2005-02-02 - 12:05 a.m.
Made me belt like a horse

And i'm suddenly shy.

Too many people i wish i could wish on.
nothin' to be cry'n about, Nothin'
Had a dream last night;
I was so overwhelled by someones kindness i walked out the back door. The back door of the tiny sunfilled, sunbeamed, rundown room i had been in. The door was a screen door, dyed yellow by age, falling apart, but in that retro classy way. Walked directly across the street to this church with paths and gardens. Pink flowered gardens with concrete paths intruding all around. Walked directly there across the street to where i had focused my eyes and not once looked around or back. Collapsed to the concrete in the middle of the pink flowers, walked over the pink flowers to get there, trampoling and destroying, did it not matter, i had to get there. Collapsed to the concrete surrounded 3-ways by small pink flowers, lied down directly staring at the sky and started crying, not weeping, but full out crying, for minutes and minutes, untill i heard childerns laughter. Sat up, looked over, i saw these dirty childern playing on this dirty church. The dirt was just superficial, it could be washed away later by their mothers at bed time, the church was just well loved, and old. Laughter, Laughter, Laughter, they were playing, they didnt know a thing. They had not grown old to have forgotten kindness, gone old and sour, oh no, they were ripe innocent dirty childern, just playing and laughing on the old wooden and bronze church, around the pillers, up the stairs, but never touching the pink flowerd garden, intruded by concrete paths. They knew a thing or two i had forgotten: The type of kindness people have that make them who they are, the stuff you pass by, all the superficial stuff, the kindness. They wore it on there sleeves, it was there grit there dirt, they chruch knew it to, for it was old, and shared the same dirt quality with the childern, the rundown room, and the screen door too, all had what i had forgotten. The concrete path surrounded by pink flowers was pretty, but the path itself was cold, it sunbathed all day but was still cold like a cold shower.
I had a fever, I had a fever.
Woke up confused
Why run from the snow?

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