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2004-12-20 - 11:44 p.m. It's so sad. People and their sandwiches. You know, people eating their sandwiches in the middle of the day. Looking forward to their sandwiches. It's so sad. They'll be working or doing something stupid, like polishing their furniture and they'll say to themselves, "Oh things aren't so bad. I've got that sandwich to look forward to". They'll talk to someone on the phone and that person will slightly disappoint them is some small way and they'll say to themselves, or worse, to their supervisor as he passes by, "Well at least there's my sandwich." And then around one, sometimes eleven a.m., if it's a particularly sad and slow day, which it usually is for "the sandwich people", they'll open up the fridge or their desk drawer or something - they always open something - and there it is wrapped gloriously in cellophane. The sandwich. The sandwich they've been thinking about when someone complained about the economy. They take little bites of their sandwich and think about little tiny pieces or change that would make them happy. If they could only lose four or five pounds. If someone could be just a little bit nicer to them. If that movie they'd seen the night before had only been slightly better. They don't ask much, the sandwich people ... sad as snake snot. You know the only people sadder than the sandwich people are "the poo people" You know the poo people? Adults who sleep alone every night, but every day you see them in the park with their little three pound dogs. If it were a fish you'd throw it back, but they love it and they walk it. They walk through tiny little parks with a little plastic bag on their hand waiting for their little three pounder to have a little poo. And when he does, they'll pick it up in that little bag. Heat in their hands as if to say "I am alive". The only thing sadder than the poo people are the "happy people". Yes, the happy people are the saddest of all. You know, the happy people? Sitting in their cars smiling at police, paying their bills on time, using bizarre phrases like "Have a nice day", keeping their change in their wallets, happy to be licking a stamp, remembering peoples' birthdays, pleased as punch they didn't get murdered. Sad, sad, sad are the happy people. The only thing sadder than the happy people are the Village People. Yes, the Village People are saddest of all. They are sick of singing YMCA. They've never been to the YMCA. They are sad they ever thought of it. The cowboy doesn't want to be a cowboy anymore. He wants to be a grown up. He's doing a show, thinking to himself "Well, I may be doing bizarre choreographed moves for the delight of tipsy strangers in a town without its own newspaper, but at least I've got that sandwich to look forward to. - Bruce McCulloch (Kids In The Hall) hehehe there we go the sandwhich skit... |
