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2004-12-16 - 5:57 p.m.
BlahBlahBlah. Again. SKip It.

Well, this is going to be a very sporadic entry, because there is much I want to blurt out, little of which makes sense. Feel free to skip it.
I like new cds. New cds are nice. Especially when they're this good. You know what else is nice? Christmas. After I am done here, back to the tree for me. Wait, I need to burn this cd. Okay, after I am done with burning, back to the tree.
You are really ticking me off right now. I don't know how much longer I can deal with these ridiculous mood swings. Everyone has obsatcles, has problems, has things they need to deal with. And while perhaps inside its horrible, part of being a human is being able to wear a mask. We've all had to do it, and I do not think you should be any exception. You have positively no right to take out your issues upon others. I don't expect perpetual happiness, but I expect civility. This is just pure selfishness, really, and I am getting damn well sick of it. I don't give a shit if its who you are, because, really, that's just an excuse.
Well, you're (different you) a fuckwad. Fuckwad is my new word. But I don't like you anymore, thank god. What I wonder is, why is suddenly everyone telling me all your faults? You're lack of appeal? Weren't they the ones goading me on before?
Bah. I am really content right now. I am. But in the back of my mind I am going, this is boring. I need a crush. I need someone to like me. I need a hook-up. I need a relationship.
BAHHHHHHH! And now I have to worry about Christmas presents. Everyone who said don't bother, I have no money, don't give me one is turning around and talking about giving them! I don't know who to get stuff for, or what, or when I can get it all in. Yeesh. Insanity. Well, you know what? I have given everyone presents for years and years only not to recieve any, which I am not upset about. I love giving. I get a glow. But I don't think I should feel guilt this year, either. Yet, I will. Mahwell.
I never do anything with people anymore. It is always mentioned, set up, but it never happens.
I know I don't belong. I don't really belong anywhere. I haven't been compatible with anything, really. It's really hard some days, knowing that. I really do try, really. I make an effort, I try to conform, I try to be myself. And it never seems to work. I suppose I should be happy with what I have, its more than what I ever have had. But sometimes, the differences, this fact I don't belong is inescapeable, its loud and clear. I am left out. And its not exactly comforting. But I don't expect sympathy. Sympathy seems to come with understanding, and no one can really understand someone else's plight. You're not someone else, and you can't get in their head, or their experiences. I wonder if anyone is actually going to read this. If you're reading this, seriously, go spend some time with your family, or something. Go watch sitcoms. Wow. You really need to get a life. Well, I suppose I do, too. But you're the one who read it, so I am thinking you're really the more pathetic one. Yeah, you. Pffffffttttt( I just stuck out my tongue at you).

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