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2004-12-06 - 11:36 p.m.
I'll dream the queen of Maida Vale

I'll dream your eyes,
I'll dream your soul,
I'll dream I'm made of rock and roll.
I'll dream the moon,
I'll dream the stars,
I'll dream this city, make it ours.
I'll dream your birthday,
Dream of snow,
Dream of all the things I know.
Dreams of resuce,
Dreams of hope,
Dream the dreams we can not know.
Dreams of fire,
And dreams of snow,
Dream the dreams we can not know.
I'll dream the flowers,
Dream the feilds,
I'll dream of crops they'll never yeild.
I'll dream the island,
Dream the sea,
I'll dream you're here, on top of me.
I'll dream your body,
Dream your heart,
I'll dream my skin is torn apart.

I want to run away right NOW, float away on a boat to the island. February is too soon, but not soon enough.
I'm afraid...
I do get scared sometimes, yes, even me.

I am now constantly going through my stuff trying to figure out what I need, what I dont need, what I'll take and what I'll leave. Trying to figure out how I'll lay out my apartment, or what my job will be like, or what waking up to an empty place will be like, and I'm debating wether or not I want a cat (HE doesnt want me to get a cat because HE beleives in his heart of hearts that I'll come crawling back, but we'll see)

I always imagine bitchin' parties, even though I hate parties, or sitting around with a bunch of people I havnt met yet, listening to music. But all of that is a fantasy, is it not? An ideal of what life will be like out on the magical island, where the tree's and the earth will heal my shattered soul, my broken bits and peices come together again.
I really beleive that nature...that trees and forests...are the only thing that can keep me tethered here, and that they are the only things that can make me right.

I love all of you...please start talking to me more, I feel like I'm drifting away through no fault of you, but I feel like you're all forgetting me, like I'm already dead.

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