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2004-10-28 - 7:16 p.m.
ignore this feeling of insufficiancy

am i capable of anything anymore?
seriously, i used to be able to get things done, big things, and do them well.

now i sit. even little stupid things are hard and seem like giant tasks. My skin feels stretched out and my eyes are burning. they won't stop burning and it's not just because i'm tired.

i keep laughing and laughing. i've got to stop laughing because pretty soon i won't be able to stop. i'll just laugh and then i'll cry and the last thing i can handle is breaking down in front of people. That doesn't happen often.

i always make other people feel better. I make myself feel better. i can't make my self feel better anymore though.

its not that things are all bad, or even really bad. It's that things are on the brink of bad and i feel like i am struggeling uselessly to hang on, grab everything good thats here. I'm laughing to loudly, talking to much, being to...happy.

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